so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
