What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize