Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
