Do you still have your period?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
