Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
