The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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