I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We were destined to go to rehab together
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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