:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i barfeds in our rink
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize