I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
