Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
