the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Your penis caused this!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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