Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
