I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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