my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
