I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
