What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
