yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
