So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
