I must be too annoying 4 u.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
