You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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