maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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