as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Girls should come with a carfax report
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
