I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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