You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
