Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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