seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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