I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize