It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Randomize
