Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize