ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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