my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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