The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
