I can text with my tongue
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
