I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
