just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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