i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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