So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
