I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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