Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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