Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
