I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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