i just had sex bonerless
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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