i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
