What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
