i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize