I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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