I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
