Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
