wrigley field is MILF paradise
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
