"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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