Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
