I'm gonna have a badass scar
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
