Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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