Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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