I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
