I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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