My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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