How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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