Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
