his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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