If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
