Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
