He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
