SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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