Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
