you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
