FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
