If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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