I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
