dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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