My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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